Sonic crackups
by kahunaangelica
Summary: A collection of sonic and co. being super funny.
1. Chapter 1

Sonic Crackups

What happened to Bean

Knuckles walks into his personal gym.

Hanging from the ceiling is Bean all tied up.

Bean: Why am I here again?

Knuckles (cracking his knuckles): Because Bark would break out of the chains.

Knuckles punches bean in the face.

A Shadouge moment ruined

Shadow and Rouge are making out in a bush.

There are several flashes of light.

The light is from cameras and held by the Chaotix.

Shadow chases them.

Shadow (holding a gun): Get back here you idiots.

Charmy: The Shadamy fans will flip.

Vector: Shadouge fans will pay big money for these shots.

Espio: OMG Shadow has a gun. Like no one saw that coming.

What happens when Mario and Sonic are in the same room

Sonic flips Mario off.

Mario kicks Sonic in the face.

Shadow shoots Mario in the knee.

Shadow: Only I can punch him in the face, Mustache boy.

How Sonic 06 should have ended

Silver: But we're still friends right? Right?

Blaze: Why are we friends when we obviously like each other?

Silver: Good point.

Silver and Blaze start to make out.

Sega Logo: Stop this at once. Blaze get back on that ledge and seal yourself in another dimension and never see each other ever again and leave Silver alone forever because that is so much better than you 2 kissing.

Silvaze fans beat the crap out of the Sega logo and cheer the 2 on.

Sonic's Love interests

Mina: Be my boy friend.

Sally: Marry me.

Elise and Sharha: I love you.

Tails, Knuckles, Shadow: Give me a kiss, Lover.

Sonic : How can this get any worse.

Amy: Sonikkkkkkuuuuuuu.

Sonic (tries to run away): AAAAUUUUUGGGGHHH.

Sonic gets tackled by Amy and both fall into a pond.

Don't confuse Knuckles

Tails: Hey, Knuckles.

Knuckles: Yeah.

Tails: Have you seen the new X-79977 model I've been working on.

Knuckles: No sure. What does it look like.

Tails: Well I have been reading up on the Heinsburg effect and the X-79977 is based off it. The theory talks about self generating energy and X-79977 is a machie that produces it. If you see a small hand held that looks like a Flux capcitor call me on my cell, I you forgot the number it's 555-555-5555, not 555-5555 like my home.

Knuckles eyes and mouth are wide open when Tails finishes.

Tails: Knuckles are you okay.

Knuckles (punches tails): I'M CONFUSED AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH.

What Sonic and co think off some of their fan couples

Knuckles: Me? With that bat?

Rouge: Me? With that Knucklehead?

Both throw up.

Amy: WHY WOULD ANYONE THINK I LIKE SHADOW LIKE THAT?

Sonic: Okay I can understand me and Blaze, Amy, Sally, Mina, Fiona, Elise, Sharha, and Rouge. BUT WHY AM I BEING GAY WITH TAILS.

Tails: Yeah I'm not gay.

Shadow walks in, sees the Sonadow and gets really steamed.

Sonic: FOOOOOLLLLLSSS, DOESN'T ANYONE KNOW SHADOW IS HOMOPHOBIC.

Shadow firing a gun at the computer, eyes blazing with anger, punches sonic in the face.

Shadow: NOT EVEN IN THE FANTASIES OF FANS WILL I EVER DO THAT GAY CRAP WITH YOU.


	2. Chapter 2

He, Himself and him

Modern Sonic: Oh yeah, running around out the speed of sound, Baby.

Sonic SX: How's it going.

Sonic Satam: Way past cool.

Sonic AoSTH: I'm waiting.

Sonic SU to AoSTH and Satam: Hey those are my lines!

Classic Sonic: Why am I voiced by Jaleel white three times.

Sonic From the movie: At least you don't sound like a Hayseed.

Shadow's anger problems

Sonic: Hey, Shadow.

Shadow: Yes.

Sonic: Why do you have anger problems.

Shadow gets really mad and grabs Sonic.

Shadow: I DO NOT HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS.

Shadow turns into a werehog/hulk thing.

Shadow (Punches Sonic into a crater): SHADOW SMASH.

What Knuckles thinks of Shadouge

Rouge: Hey, Knuckies.

Knuckles: What do you want Rouge I'm busy.

Rouge: Oh I just wanted to tell you I'm engaged.

Shows a monster of a diamond.

Knuckles: Cool, who's the unluck- I mean lucky guy?

Rouge: Shadow.

Rouge leaves.

Knuckles (starts dancing around): YES, THANK YOU GOD.

Sonic is a daddy

Amy: Sonic I know that you wanted to wait to have kids but I had you cloned.

Sonic: What?

Amy: No just kidding.

Sonic: Whew, THANK YOU JESUS.

Amy: But I am pregnant and you're the father.

Sonic's jaw drops, starts running around.

Sonic: HELP JESUS. ZEUS, DALI LLAMA, GOD HELP ME. SATAN, YOU OWE ME. HELP ME TOM CRUISE. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME THOR.

EVIL SUPER SONIC

Super Sonic: I kill you.

Sonic: OMG HE HAS BOMB STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST.

Tails: TERRORIST.

A brick hits Super sonic in the face. Thrower reveals to be Scourge.

Scourge: Hail to the king, baby.

Scourge throws a brick at Sonic and turns Tails into a soccer ball and kicks him in the face.


	3. Chapter 3

Beauty and the beast

Sonic in werehog form walks down the stairs of a castle.

Another figure appears behind him

?: Ready to dance.

Sonic turns around, sees Amy.

Sonic: Hell no I'm out of here.

Amy: But if you go outside the villagers will kill you.

Sonic: Let's see dance with you or death, Death it is.

Silver is not gay.

Blaze is talking to Marine on one of the random islands in Sonic Rush.

Silver appears out of nowhere.

Blaze: Oh hey Silver.

Marine: Strewth, where'd he come from?

Silver walks up to Blaze and grabs her by the shoulders.

Blaze: Silver what are you doing?

Silver plants a huge kiss on Blaze.

Silver (to audience): You see, I am not gay. Now stop showing me being gay with Sonic and Shadow.

Silver flips off the audience and leaves to places unknown.

The Brotherhood of ticked off echidnas

Spectre: Why are we still floating in this void?

Thunderhawk: Yeah, I am tired of playing yathzee.

Sabre: Well we'd play something else but that is all we have.

Sojourner: Archie sucks for leaving us out to dry.

Locke: You think you have it bad, I've been killed off like Charlie sheen.

Moritori Rex: Yeah and I'm starting to hate you all, more.

Dr. Finitivius: STFU, losers.

What Sonic thinks of his real name

Shadow: Hey guys, I heard that Sonic's name in the Archie series is Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog.

Everyone bursts out laughing (by everyone I mean the main game cast).

Sonic walks in.

Sonic: Hey guys.

Knuckles (snickers): How's it going Ogilvie?

More laughter.

Sonic: Oh yeah, laugh it up, that is my gay name from the Archie series but at least by name isn't Big.

Big: Awww.


	4. Chapter 4

Silver's haircut

Sonic is staring at Silver's head.

Sonic: Dude?

Silver: Yeah?

Sonic: Does everyone have a haircut that looks like a pot leaf in the future?

Silver: No. My hair is like this naturally.

Sonic: Bummer.

Silver (crying): I know.

Redo of SA2 ending

Shadow: This is what you wanted isn't it Maria?

Sonic: Sayonara, Shadow the hedgehog.

Shadow flies up to Sonic's level.

Shadow: Okay really? Is this how the game should end. You're killing off the coolest guy here?

Sonic: Hey, I was in 3 shows in the 90's.

Sega voice: Shadow, get back down there and make the fans think you're dead.

Shadow: No.

Sega voice: Do it. Do it.!

Shadow grabs the Sega voice and holds it by the throat.

Sega voice: Or we could put you in the other game after being saved by Eggman for some reason.

Shadow: Good boy.

Knight of the round table

Sir P.: Okay, why am I playing a knight that was a guy?

Sir Ll.: Hey, at least you didn't betray your king by impregnating his wife. My son is the guy with a pot leaf hair style.

Sir G: Hey, not cool dad. I was born with this hairstyle and you know it. But I didn't even get in the game.

Sir L: Me neither.

Sir Ga: I'm not complaining, I have 2 swords and they are both cool.

What were the others doing in Sonic G

Omega, Big and Marine are all sitting by a river.

Marine: Strewth, it's so white here. Hey where is Blaze, do you know Blaze right? She is a princess and my best friend, what kind of name is Big?

Big: Froggy, where are you Froggy. Froggy. Froggy!

Omega watches as Big looks around for Froggy and Marine jabbers on and on.

Omega: I can't take it anymore!

Omega pulls out his gun and shoots himself.

Sonic's Navi

Sharaha: Oh look out. Watch out for that rock. Aaaaaaah.

Sonic just stares as she points at non-threatening stuff and shouts that it's scary or bad.

Sonic continues stare blankly.

Sonic walks over to a store as Sharaha continues freak out.

He walks out with a rifle.

Sharaha: Oh, master? What's that?

Sonic: Salvation.

Sonic cocks the rifle and fires it killing Sharaha then dances around.

Fans of the world: THANK YOU.

Link walks up to Sonic with Navi jabbering on saying "Hey."

Link: Can I borrow your gun?

Knuckles is smart

Knuckles walks out of Yale holding a diploma.

Sonic runs up to Knuckles.

Sonic: Hey, Knuckles what do you got there?

Knuckles: It's my diploma.

Sonic (snickers): From where, clown school?

Knuckles: No.

Sonic: Then where?

Knuckles then points over to Yale, Sonic jaw drops.

Knuckles: Guess you didn't know I was so smart, huh? Just so you know, Sega paid me to be stupid.

PARADOX

Shadow is an alcoholic

Shadow downs a few bottles of tequila.

Shadow: I . . . am, I-I-I am something?

Shadow (snaps his fingers): No don't tell me, I-I-I am all of me, no that's no it. I-I-I am Shad-Shadu the headhog. No, I am the-the ultimate something.

Silver and Sonic walk up to Shadow.

Sonic: Shadow?

Shadow: What do you-u-u-u want f-f-f-fake-uh, I'm-I'm Shadu the #$%^&* ultimate t-t-t-thingwhatchamacalit.

Silver: Shadow, are you drunk?

Shadow (belches loudly): I'm not d-d-drunk, Rouge. Know get out my way I'm going home.

Shadow pulls out a white bottle of vodka, chugs it.

Shadow: Control Chaos-s-s-s-s.

Shadow falls asleep in a pile of bottle.

Sonic pulls out his iphone.

Silver: You calling Al-Anon?

Sonic: Yep.


	5. Chapter 5

Adventure!

Sonic: Tails grab my quills!

Tails grabs hold of Sonic's quills

Rainbow appears and Sonic flies off

Sonic: ADVENTURE!

Tails: Where'd that rainbow come from?

Sonic: Don't question the Meme.

Can I?

Shadow: Rouge?

Rouge: Yes?

Shadow: Can I grab them?

Rouge: What? No?

Shadow: But their so round.

Rouge: Okay, I guess?

Shadow grabs Rouge's ears.

Rouge: Okay?

Never Facebook poke Knuckles in real life

Sonic pokes Knuckles.

Knuckles is unamused.

Sonic continues.

Knuckles stands there with a blank angry stare.

Sonic pokes faster and faster.

Knuckles turns to Sonic and punches him into a wall.

Then he punches all of the Sonic cast members.

Then he punches himself in the face.

The Big stare

Sonic and co. are having a picnic when Big walks up.

Everyone stares at Big.

He stares back at them blankly.

Then everyone's faces get blank stares like him.

What ever happened to Mighty and Ray

Mighty and Ray are moping up Sega.

They look over at Sonic and tails heading off to do another game.

They get very frustrated at this.

Guy: Hey want to be back in the franchise.

Both: YES.

Next day they are both in the Archie series.

Bean: Dang it, why am I still a punching bag.

Don't eat the chilidog!

Sonic picks up a chilidog.

Amy: Sonic don't eat that chilidog!

Sonic: Whatever.

Sonic goes to take a bite.

Shoop da whoop: Blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

LOL

They're watching you

Shadow: I feel like I'm being watched.

Sonic: I think you're just a little mental.

Shadow: No I really feel like I'm being watched.

Sonic: You know I feel it, too.

Amy: SONIKKUUUUUUUUUUU!

Doom's eye: DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE, TRAITOR!

The slap! How it should have been

Sally and Sonic are arguing with each other in front of knothole.

Sally slaps Sonic.

Sonic: Ow, that hurt. And seriously why are we fighting? I mean really?

Sally: It's because you're, um. Hmmm, I don't really know.

Sonic: Well why should we fight, I'm back from space baby.

Sally: Yeah and I did miss you a lot, and how likely would it be that something like this would ever happen again.

Sonic: Very unlikely.

The 2 kiss, crowd goes aw.

Archie voice: Oh hells no. You 2 break up now, we want to ruin this relationship now. Just like what Sega did with Silver and Blaze.

Crowd stones the voice until it runs away to places unknown.


	6. Chapter 6

Coke!

Sonic: Hey, Tails? Wants some coke?

Tails: What, no that stuffs bad for you.

Sonic (shrugging): Suit yourself.

Sonic opens a can of soda.

Tails: You meant soda?

Sonic: Yeah. What you I meant the drug. Drugs are bad for you.

Knuckles is stuck

Knuckles breaks a rock with his fist.

Repeats.

Knuckles spikes get stuck in a rock.

He tries to pull free but can't.

Pulls harder and he accidently knocks himself out.

Tails love interests

Tails: Cosmo, I just want you to know that . . .

Cosmo: Hold that thought Tails I have to kill myself.

Cosmo turns into a tree and gets shot with a laser.

Tails: Fiona, I just want you to know that I . . .

Fiona: Hold that thought I have to go betray you and be Scourge's girl.

Scourge: Ya snooze, ya lose, shrimp boat.

Scourge (kicks Tails): Fi, grab my hand.

Grab, ADVENTURE.

What if Archimedes did it

Dr. F: Ha, I've turned Knuckles into Enerjak and the only way to turn him back is if someone gives their own life. And who would do that.

Julie-Su: I would.

Locke: I would.

Archimedes: I would.

Locke: Out of my way I'm go to commit suicide for my son.

Archimedes (spring boards off nose): MAMA, I'M COMING HOME.

Lands on Master emerald, recites Tikal's prayer, poof.

Knuckles falls through the ceiling.

Knuckles: Where's Archy

Locke: He's dead.

Archie fans: Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!

Kids and parents

Rutan and Dr. F, most definitely

Espio and The Bride of Constant Vigil, 100% positive

Silver and Shadow, Slim to none

Edmund and Lara-su/Argylle, do I even need to say it?


End file.
